Two Wheels - Six Strings

Random news and thoughts about various two-wheeled projects and music, especially my band, Skull Full Of Blues.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

You're Never Really Ready

My dad, Bobby Grinder (The Reverend Bobby G, to some of us), passed away on Wednesday, July 14.  I was rolling my bike into my cubicle when my cellphone rang.  It was my sister, giving me the news.  Somewhat stunned, I finished up a couple things that couldn't be left sitting, got online and bought a plane ticket to Nashville, then informed my office that I was leaving and that I didn't know when I would return.

Twenty four hours later, I was on the ground in the Music City, getting in the car with my sister and her family.  They were en route from their home in Pennsylvania, and managed to hit town at the same time as I.  When we finally arrived in Savannah (Tennessee, not Georgia), and my mom's house, we went to the funeral home to arrange the visitation and the service.

Saturday afternoon, it was all over.  The visitation had been a bit stunning.  Tons of people came through, in a never-ending line, as we stood and greeted them.  I think every surviving member of Daddy's high-school class came by.

Daddy was 73 years old, and had Parkinson's Disease, but had been doing pretty well until just recently, when the Parkinson's appeared to be advancing a bit.  Unfortunately, he and my mom were involved in a traffic accident which left him with a broken collar bone and a shoulder injury, neither of which was diagnosed at the emergency room, about a week before he died.  The specific cause of death was not apparent, but Daddy's doctor was of the opinion that the car crash was the root cause.

When you have elderly parents, especially if they are in bad health, you live with the knowledge that their time is limited.  You think that you are prepared for the inevitable.  At least, I thought that.

I found that I was wrong.

I am home, now, and I'll be going back to work, tomorrow.  I wasn't ready to leave family behind, but I really didn't have a choice.  Work is piling up, and I have responsibilities  that I have to fulfill.

My sister and her family are still with my mom.  We were worried about Momma being alone, too soon after Daddy's passing, so she agreed to go stay with Joy for a couple of months as sort of a decompression time before deciding what to do about the house, where to live, etc.  As I left, I was glad that she wasn't going to be alone.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and realized...  I was alone for the first time since Daddy died.  Carol came over and kept me company for a good bit of the day, and that helped immensely. 

I have not yet had the "big cry".  At first, I was trying to be a support for the rest of the family, and now I am feeling a bit numb.  I hope to, eventually, have that big cathartic emotional release and get it over with.  In the meantime, I'll get back to the job, work on some bikes, take some rides and play the guitar;  I'll live my life and remember the good times with Daddy (I figure I might as well forget any bad times). 

That's the best memorial I can think of for him.

x

17 Comments:

At 2:18 PM , Blogger Oldfool said...

Condolences.
I keep thinking I have 20 years left but this reminds me that maybe not.

Old Men

People expect old men to die, 
They do not really mourn old men. 
Old men are different. People look 
At them with eyes that wonder when... 
People watch with unshocked eyes... 
But the old men know when an old man dies.

Ogden Nash

If he was your friend as mine was you'll get use to it in time but you'll never get over it.
Grieving helps.

 
At 2:47 PM , Blogger MandG said...

My thoughts are with you. I lost one parent as a young girl and will loose the other as a woman. I don't think the hurt will be any different.

 
At 3:37 PM , Blogger satyr96 said...

You will never forget him and that will be a good thing.

 
At 3:40 PM , Blogger Big Oak said...

I am sorry for your loss.

 
At 7:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Rev has been in my heart since your call. We will decompress my friend. Not sure how we will memorialize yet...maybe rockets. We'll know it when we know it.

Brad

 
At 8:18 PM , Blogger Apertome said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Wish I had something encouraging to say, but I don't. That's got to be really, really hard.

I was wondering if something was up, since I hadn't seen a post from you in a while. I wish I'd been wrong.

Take care ... I hope you get some nice cathartic rides in as well.

 
At 8:18 PM , Blogger Apertome said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Wish I had something encouraging to say, but I don't. That's got to be really, really hard.

I was wondering if something was up, since I hadn't seen a post from you in a while. I wish I'd been wrong.

Take care ... I hope you get some nice cathartic rides in as well.

 
At 8:59 PM , Blogger Noah said...

So sorry for your loss, Jon. :(

 
At 10:31 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've no doubt that your folks have always been very proud of you, as we all are. Try to get some rest and know that we're all here for you and are glad that you're home, Amigo.

 
At 5:14 AM , Blogger frankenbiker said...

You and yours are in my thoughts, so sorry for your loss.Having lost my last remaining grandparent just last week at 97 years old,to quote MandG-I don't think the hurt will be any different "or any easier" when it is my parents time to go.

I took one of those long Cathartic rides the other day,it helped a lot,but I ended up 76 miles from home.

 
At 11:07 AM , Blogger katina said...

Jon,

I'm so sorry...

K

 
At 1:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jon,

Sorry for your loss. It's the law of nature that we'll survive our parents, but that doesn't soften the blow when it happens.

 
At 9:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm here if you need me. Love ya, Carol

 
At 11:35 PM , Blogger Mini Me said...

I lost my dad a couple of years ago after a long illness - I can remember what those first few weeks were like and I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Sending you warm thoughts of compassion

 
At 8:30 AM , Blogger Jon said...

Everyone,

Thank you for the kind words. It actually helps to receive that kind of support.

 
At 8:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jon,
You are in Linda and I's thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to lose a parent

D&L

 
At 9:54 PM , Blogger m e l i g r o s a said...

my heart +prayers are with you +you family jon

 

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