Two Wheels - Six Strings

Random news and thoughts about various two-wheeled projects and music, especially my band, Skull Full Of Blues.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Cthulu Is Out To Get Me

Apparently, the Elder Gods are once again stirring in their sleep, disturbing the primordial ooze of stygian blackness which surrounds them, emanating foul vibrations through the ether; vibrations which resound with an evil so pure to be blinding, like the black equivalent of a pure white laser aimed directly into the eye of the cosmos. He Who Cannot Be Named is dreaming on a level incomprehensible to the human psyche (to glimpse even a tiny shard would drive whole worlds mad, turning the peoples thereupon into slavering, raving maniacs).

Shoggoth! Cthulu! Why do you taunt me so? Have I not had enough flat tires on my commute to satiate your weird and incomprehensible hunger?

Yes, Dear Reader, I once again played the "stop every half mile and re-air the rear tire" game on the way home from work. When I got home (finally) I put the bike in the shop, and went to the store to get a Slime tube, having neither the energy nor the will to put Stan's in another tube.

The clerk at Arkham Bikes, a young New Englander named Lovecraft, remarked on my appetite for self-sealing tubes, noting that I have bought more than any two other customers of his establishment over these past few months.

But, even as he professed sympathy for my wretched luck with flat tires, I thought I could see something, something unspeakably evil and reptillian, old beyond measure... something like amusement in his eyes, amusement like that of a small boy watching a toad try to escape from a fiendish trap laid with no purpose other than to torture the lesser being for amusement. But, then he he smiled, and the feeling passed, dispersing like the fog above a graveyard when disturbed by an unearthly zephyr on an otherwise totally still night.

When I got home from that errand, and a couple of others, an hour and a half later, the accursed tire was still holding air! What manner of horrors will be revealed to me next? Shall the headlight bulb burn out, only to restore itself with the coming of a new dawn, after having left me exposed to the creeping horrors on the dark roads homeward? Will my saddle spring from its rails, only to reattach as I reach my destination and no longer need a perch upon which to sit and rest my weary bones? I know not, monsieurs and mesdames!

So, I am going to hope that it is well-sealed, and leave it on the bike. If it is flaccid by the time I rise in pre-dawn darkness, I'll put the new Slime tube in and go to work. If it continues to retain higher than atmospheric air pressure, I will just carry the Slime tube with me, as an amulet, a holy relic to protect me from the vagaries of the Elder Gods.

Shub-Niggurath, Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth... leave my inner tubes out of your eldritch machinations!



At 4:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh . . . Nothing I love better than a well crafted blog.


At 9:08 AM , Blogger getinlost said...

This entry... nay, this bright star of netiture. Is by far the most eloquent blog posting I have had the pleasure to absorb. Bravo. Bravo. (no, really I MEAN it!)

At 9:43 AM , Blogger Jared said...

Eh, I hate flats! Last week I was on my road bike and had no less than 4 flats in a 50 mile ride! 3 in the back and one in the front. 2 new tubes (installed after each of the first flats) then lots of patches...once I got back to civilization I picked up some kevlar tires and slime far so good!

At 1:26 PM , Blogger Apertome said...

You really give some depth to your flat tire woes. I'd ask if you have any luck with those Slime tubes other than having green stuff shoot out the valve, but I can see that your luck is terrible; I'm not sure whether that has anything to do with the Slime or not. I got some slime tubes but decided the weight tradeoff wasn't worth it ... and I got tired of slime spraying everywhere when I removed the pump from the valve.

At 7:48 PM , Blogger Jon said...

I should have mentioned that the four times I aired the tire up were within the last two miles of my route home.

The tube in the tire was treated with Stan's sealant. The Slime tubes have always worked pretty well for me, except under very cold conditions.

At 10:19 PM , Blogger katina said...

it's like how my cat loses his collar when he goes outside, only to stop losing it when we've gone and stocked up on tags and collars. Shawn says it's a waste of money to buy the extra tags and collars. But I just point out that as long as we have an extra set, quazi won't go and lose his collar because what's the point? we won't get mad because we've got extras.


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