I had someone ask, this morning at the coffee shop, how my 100-mile rides were going. I had to just tell her that I had dropped that goal for the year. Dealing with Daddy's passing, and the inevitable reflection that brought on, just sort of put me off my stride. And, honestly, it really made all the goals I had set, earlier, seem a little less important.
The other day, I was talking to Carol and I mentioned that certain things in life just weren't suiting me, and that dealing with the emotions of losing Daddy had really brought them to the forefront. I work a job that only gives me a paycheck, for instance, and I really don't get any fulfillment from it. I'd like to do something which actually means something to me.
She said to me, "Whatever you do, maybe you just need to do a little less. You have too many projects and goals, and you can't seem to get any of them done. Don't start anything new, for a while, and see how you feel about it." (Obviously, not a direct quote, but close enough.)
And, she is right. I've spread myself a bit thin, trying to find some satisfaction with life, and it really hasn't worked out that well. So, I think I'm going to back off on some things, and I hope nobody thinks I'm just being a quitter.
I would really like to get some music recorded, but for now I am writing so much new stuff and exploring new avenues on the guitar... so I think I'll just let it happen when it happens.
I will get back to doing the 100 mile rides, but I'm not going to set a minimum number for them. When I feel like it, I'll bust one out. When I don't, I'll ride to the coffee shop and relax.
I'm still riding to work, every day. I hit the 700-day
mark, this past Tuesday, and I see no reason to quit. I still plan on seeing live music, at least once a month. And, I will be working on Kyle's motorbike through the winter and spring, so it's not like I don't have some
goals to meet. I just don't need everything I do to be tied to a deadline or a minimum number.
I think, for the next little bit, I'm just going to live life and try to get the most out of it that I can. Life is too short to be constantly stressing about goals and deadlines I get enough of that at the lab.